When is teasing hurtful

Some psychologists believe that teasing is an important tool in building healthy relationships. Additionally, people respond differently to teasing.

Even if said in jest, some jokes and forms of teasing are just not funny. For many people, there are some areas of life that are considered off-limits when it comes to teasing and joking. Even though you know your partner well, your teasing can still be offensive and can hurt your relationship. Cutting remarks can wound deeply. Just as teasing can have both positive and negative consequences, it can also be the result of positive or negative intentions. Teasing can be a way of showing love and affection.

For some, teasing is a habit and a way of interacting with people. In other cases, teasing may be a power play or a way of trying to be the center of attention. Other reasons why people tease include:. All of us have sensitive areas or weak spots in our self-esteem , so if your spouse or partner objects to your teasing, take responsibility for any hurt feelings and apologize.

Here are a few more tips to make sure that teasing creates positive feelings for you and your partner:.

If teasing is having a negative impact on you and your relationship, there are steps you can take to help make it stop. In these instances, the teasing can cross the line and become abusive. The key is being able to recognize good-natured, healthy teasing from teasing that attacks.

Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Keltner D. New York: W. Proyer, RT. Children often begin teasing at an early age — probably because Grandpa, Mom, Uncle Joe or Aunt Sue teased them in the same way at some point. The child may hold out a toy to you and when you reach for it, they take it away. But using adults as models, children will tease people with words as soon as they can speak. The goal is for the teaser and the teased to be drawn closer together by the teasing.

Teasing and joking can start with an attempt to be funny or to cope with an uncomfortable situation. Negativity sets in when kids no longer see the behavior as funny due to the teaser using teasing to not simply get attention but to feel superior to others. Children often begin to understand the positive and negative sides of teasing when these things happen:. You clear up the confusion.

Help children to see their teasing from the point of view of the one who is teased. You talk about it.

Children understand math. They can understand the results of teasing — if it is explained to them as if it were a math problem. Using words that they understand clearly from math problems can help make concepts that are confusing to them — like teasing — as clear as addition and subtraction. You discourage teasing. Reinforce the concept of empathy and encourage the child to think about how his words make others feel. Remind the child of the Golden Rule. How would he or she feel if the tables were turned?

You lead by example. Even though you and another teacher may know that the teasing between you both is in good fun, a student who overhears some of this banter may not be able to recognize good natured teasing from mean-spirited behavior. It may not only be confusing for the student to hear the teasing, but that teasing also becomes a model for that student to follow.

You get others on board. Reinforcing behavior is easier when it is done consistently by all who model and influence behavior for children. You tease proof. As we noted, teasing can be hurtful. If they resort to teasing you again on the same issue later, remind them that you do not like it and that they should stop doing it. Hold your ground if you do not like being teased. And do not allow them to blow you off.

Just remember to be friendly and self-confident when reminding them. Keep in mind that if you have healthy friendships and healthy work relationships, you should not have to worry about what they think. If you are genuinely unsure of how your friends or coworkers will respond, then they are likely bullies.

The sooner you recognize that you are being bullied and confront the situation, the better off you will be. Sometimes, people act goofy or say silly things in order to be teased. On some level, they enjoy the attention or the affection that comes with joking around.

But on another level, it really annoys them. If you are someone that does not enjoy getting teased be sure you refrain from doing goofy things or telling odd stories about yourself. You also should avoid making fun of yourself or putting yourself down in conversations. These types of activities are confusing for friends and coworkers. They may interpret your words and actions as an invitation to tease you.

You also may be setting yourself up for teasing if you are eager to fit in with a new group of friends at work or school. In this case, you are so eager to be part of a group that you gladly accept the role of the one everyone rips on.

After a while though, the teasing can take a toll on your self-esteem. Do not let your desire to be popular or well-liked keep you from getting the respect you deserve. Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellFamily. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page.

These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data. We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. I Accept Show Purposes. Table of Contents View All. Table of Contents. When Teasing Hurts. Crossing the Line. Ask Them to Stop. Be Direct. Protect Yourself.